Category Archives: Uncategorized

What is me and what is not me is something we start learning early on. It’s s fundamental part of the process of being alive and being in the world: to distinguish reality from fantasy, and oneself from what’s outside.  This ability is at the core of setting good boundaries, because it helps you discriminateContinue reading “What is me vs. What is not me”

We saw how control is incompatible with love, and how letting it go in relationships means accepting the fact that the other is a stranger, who we will never know – let alone own – completely, and we can approach with curiosity, accepting the vulnerability that comes from standing close to someone else. So, aContinue reading “The perfect distance”

Margaret Paul writes on mindbodygreen.com some of the signs we might be in an emotionally dependent state. Here are some: Do you feel that you can’t live without this person? Are you terrified of losing this person? And get anxious when they are not there? Do you feel empty and alone inside unless your partnerContinue reading “When you are in need but you think you are in love”

Relationships mean vulnerability. We have seen that. There is no possible connection with someone else if we don’t take some risk they might be hurting us. Coming too close inevitably brings more danger. For some people, this is unbearable. Due to traumas and an insecure attachment, it’s really hard for them to let someone inContinue reading “Pulling too close, pushing too far”

The vulnerability in love and relationships is a given. The cost we pay for opening up is often also the benefit of being known, something every human being strives for.  U. Galimberti starts his book on love saying that intimate relationships are on the one hand the only place where one can really express theirContinue reading “Love is vulnerability”

Securely attached people don’t fear relationships and vulnerability, they are not scared of abandonment. And why is that? Losing someone we love is painful for everybody, so how come securely attached adults don’t live with this anxiety? The consistency they have experienced in their childhood allows them to unconsciously predict a good outcome, and ifContinue reading “I can feel this, and it’s not your fault”

We have seen how, depending on how safe we felt in our first years, we develop some expectations on how future relationships will be. Let’s now look at the four main types of attachment more in detail. Children who can separate from their parents safely, knowing they will find support when they come back (aContinue reading “Attachment styles”

Sometimes we might find our current relationship to be oddly similar to a previous one. The people we are dating are different, but some dynamics keep coming up. Why is it so common to repeat patterns in our relationships? Attachment theory gives some important answers to this question.  Since our birth, we start engaging inContinue reading “Repetition and expectations in relationships”

Relationships: the place where some of the biggest issues of life lie. How to relate to others, how to be independent from others, how to give them the right space in our life, how to avoid making them our coping strategy, how to detach the image we have of ourselves from the one others haveContinue reading “How do we relate?”

“Happiness is only real when shared” is the conclusive statement of a famous movie.Christopher McCandless flees conventional society, of which he has increasingly grown disenchanted, and goes to live into the wilds of Alaska, with the only company of books, reflection and himself. Disappointed and cynical about human relationships, he seeks with determination the solitudeContinue reading “Is happiness only real when shared?”