There’s a reason why it’s so hard for a politician to tell their potential electors they will tax people more. Those people will probably not vote for them.
Similarly, it’s hard for a psychologist to say that therapy doesn’t always make you feel better immediately and that it takes long to get deep inside yourself and heal. Hell, some of them (me included) might even say that healing is hard to define and even harder to accomplish. People often gravitate towards someone (friend, therapist, confidant) that promises to have “evidence“ on their side and know an always effective method to treat them with or advice to give them. Quick, straightforward, practical.
It doesn’t take a genius to understand why we do this. We want things to improve but rarely are willing to do it at our own expense. In other words, we often choose to believe in easy fixes, often at the hands of others, because they provide a reassuring image of the world and save us the hassle of contributing (which removes things from the divine hands we consider so comforting).
As an Italian living in the Netherlands, I have been (and will always be) in the middle of both cultures, closer to one or to the other depending on the situation, or on how much pasta surrounds me (that’s how the unconscious works, trust me). A “nation orphan” I call it, someone who has lost something to call motherland, and hasn’t necessarily gained another, while it’s also true this person is one with an extended family. Both things are true. This has put me, like many others, in a stroopwafel limbo, where Italy looks far, and the Netherlands isn’t close either. In other words, I have a distance from both (while also calling both ‘home’ and loving them deeply) that has always helped me analyze them.
A striking difference in the university system: in Italy we created a grade higher than the highest (30 e lode) to reward students who have gone beyond knowledge and added true mastery, a committed participation in the discipline. In the Dutch university system, 10 is never to be seen, and even 9 is a mirage. 8, objectively one fifth below the maximum grade, is what greatness deserves. Doe normaal. This is fascinating not as a dry fact, but as an ulterior confirmation of some aspects of both cultures. One of them cuddles the ego of its youth, while also amputating every possibility of it turning into adults; the other invites everyone to aim at average, because extravagance is not rewarded, and ultimately not needed. You’ll get a job, chill.
In the health system there’s another big difference. Italy has had a very lenient and spoiling medical staff. Antibiotics given out like candies, medical exams allowed for the slightest suspicion, and a consequent collapse of a public system because of no more money. The Netherlands has a policy of “You’ll come back if it’s really bad, and then we’ll do something. Meanwhile, paracetamoltje?”. Allow me to be critical of both, while also seeing their motivations and understanding their good faith. And I’ll be critical not because they are bad (they might be, I’m not the one to decide) but because anything in the world loses some while gaining something else. So no perfect option exists, but just partial alternatives.
This said, we have preferences. And I always preferred The Netherlands for most part. Italy has the tremendous power of frustrating your patience over and over — which for some is an aphrodisiac or a driver, but for me was just exhausting. Here in the flat land up north I found civility, the victory of reason over the belly. How beautiful to see rules being robotically followed. No questions asked. To me this was like wearing glasses that showed you the future. Italy will also get there in ___ amount of years. Unfortunately, it seems to me this didn’t turn out to be exactly the trend.
I saw this modern and efficient country as being so many more steps into the future than my home country. For quite some time, I found this practical approach very solid. Did you know that anger and other strong emotions arise more easily where it’s hot? I was not surprised when I found out. It only confirmed what I found so incredible here: rational people moved by well-described and clear intentions. Wow.
However, with time I saw the side effect of this — and a confirmation that, as I said earlier, there really isn’t better or worse, but just partial alternatives with different pro’s and con’s — and this showed me how much belly can be contained in the brain. All this rationality, at the cost of such effort to avoid the darkness. All these solution, all this efficiency, at the cost of some good old basking in torment and destruction.
Do I sound ironic to you? I swear I’m not. I am convinced torment shouldn’t always be escaped. I am convinced a system that rushes people out of short therapy plans is not just motivated by money and lack of resources, but also by a desperate and pointless attempt to deny the world is made of worms, and not just birds, our minds flirt with madness, not just with highness.
Empatherapy 